OK, I love this BBC story about some crazy plans the American military have had for “non-lethal” weapons.
The US military investigated building a “gay bomb”, which would make enemy soldiers “sexually irresistible” to each other, government papers say.
Other weapons that never saw the light of day include one to make soldiers obvious by their bad breath.
Any guesses as to when these projects were researched? Seems like something from the 50s, right? The gay bomb that makes soldiers explore the love that dare not speak its name? It reveals a deep-seated prejudice, and it seems like the kind of wacky scheme that 50s and 60s super villains would comeup with.
However, it was 1994.
Oh screw it, I’m quoting more:
The plan for a so-called “love bomb” envisaged an aphrodisiac chemical that would provoke widespread homosexual behaviour among troops, causing what the military called a “distasteful but completely non-lethal” blow to morale.
Scientists also reportedly considered a “sting me/attack me” chemical weapon to attract swarms of enraged wasps or angry rats towards enemy troops.
A substance to make the skin unbearably sensitive to sunlight was also pondered.
Another idea was to develop a chemical causing “severe and lasting halitosis”, so that enemy forces would be obvious even when they tried to blend in with civilians.
In a variation on that idea, researchers pondered a “Who? Me?” bomb, which would simulate flatulence in enemy ranks.
Admit it, that wasps/rats thing sounds like one of The Brain’s plans to take over the world. And, seriously? A fart bomb?
I also quite enjoyed Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel, a page of true stories from travel agents that nicely back up the whole stereotype of yanks that the rest of the world has. For example:
A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York” The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.” The customer retorted, “Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?” “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!”
Although my favourite was clearly this one:
A woman called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who’s luggage belongs to who?” I said, “No, why do you ask?” She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight, is there any connection?” After putting her on hold for a minute while I “looked into it” (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
I am endlessly fascinated with the history of words and phrases, especially those ones that have either fallen out of common usage, or that have remained in common usage but without any common knowledge of the source of the word/phrase. Since moving to the coast I’ve been finding out just how many terms originate with maritime traditions–things like “the bitter end”, etc.
Also, I like to drink alchohol.
So, I was pleased to find Modern Drunkard Magazine‘s article “On The Cuff & Under The Table“, which explores the history of words and phrases related to boozing off. Especially since there are words/phrases there that aren’t in my recently acquired booze trivia book.
Here’s a few samples:
crapulous This expressive and sorely neglected substitute for hungover deserves a comeback (“How am I feeling today? Absolutely crapulous!”) This 18th century refugee comes from the Greek kraipale (drunken headache or nausea).
go on a tear The phrase doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, in relation to going on a drinking spree, until you realize that tear hails from the Old English teran, meaning “to consume or destroy.” Both of which are apt to happen during a proper tear
on the cuff Waiters and bartenders of the early 1900s would often keep track of running tabs by making pencil marks on the stiff cuffs of their starched white shirts, so “on the cuff” came to mean “on credit.” Considering the forgetful nature of drunks, it’s little wonder it later came to mean “on the house.”.
Economics is always most interesting to me when it can be connected somehow to the effects in daily life of these somewhat strange macro concepts.
In a recent post at his blog, U.C. Berkeley economics professor Brad Delong cites an example of how this might happen with cooking. The idea is an interesting example of this, but the comments are just a lot of fun–and illustrate why “if you laid all of the economists in the world, end-to-end, they wouldn’t reach a conclusion” is funny. (Hint: because it’s true.) And if you’re not convinced yet, then this followup will probably seal the deal.
And finally, how is it possible that until today I didn’t know about the Uncyclopedia?
What is it, you ask? Well, “Uncyclopedia is an encyclopedia full of misinformation and utter lies. You might say it puts the ‘psych!’ in ‘encyclopedia’. It’s sort of like Congress or Parliament, but unlike Congress or Parliament, we do have a sense of humor.” Genius! A wiki that is not just untrue, but amusingly and purposefully untrue.
For example, this is from the entry on the well-known ‘net acronym RTFM:
RTFM is Internet-speak for “Repeat the first message”. It is used when the message did not transfer over the Internet properly. If someone tells you to RTFM, be patient with them, and copy-and-paste your original message several times. Also, typing the message with capslock on will improve the chances that it will get through (similar to yelling at a brick wall, telephone, or foreigner).
Example
miket65> how do i change the color of links redjl> omg rtfm n00b miket65> ok miket65> how do i change the color of links redjl> RTFM miket65> HOW CAN I CHANGE THE COLOR OF LINKS miket65> HOW CAN I CHANGE THE COLOR OF LINKS redjl> Message received. Sending you the information over the Cyber-Web. miket65> Thanks, good buddy! redjl> You are welcome, Internet pal!
Spend some time there–it’s deep-fried comedy gold. Especially see the entry for “Caps Lock“.
