Well, Saturday’s tournament was pretty much an unqualified success–the house is still standing, with no capital expenditures required to put it into wife-ready order before Trish gets back, I think everyone had fun, and I certainly enjoyed myself. And, I got a lot of great stuff from the lads–giant cards, mathematically useful cards, poker signage, classy religious beer, fine whisky, etc.
I have some pretty amusing player profiles (in their own words), and the tournament results after the jump.
We ended up with 13 competitors, which necessitated a split into two tables during the early part of the tournament. If we had been playing for money
After the tournament there were cash games
This event generated one full dishwasher worth of dishes, one large garbage bag of garbage, and two large blue bags full of empties (plus two bottles of Green Ginger Wine–The Whiskey Mick is a powerful thing.)
And now, please allow me to present the tournament participants, in the order of their performance, and in their own words:
Number 13Proper Name: Carsten Knox
What do you wish your poker nickname was? Flash! The Hawk! No, not really.
What do people actually call you? Stacks. (Except for Drake, who has his own cute handle for me.)
Do you expect to finish in the money? Of course. And while I’m dreaming, I’d also like a pony.
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Power and intimidation.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Chris. For obvious reasons.
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Cracker. Because he isn’t drinking.
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? Pair of deuces. Explains a lot, don’t it?
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? Probably not.
Your quote for the night: “I hope I don’t have to dig into Chris’ library too soon.”
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? I bathe regularly.
Number 12Proper Name: Jeremy Campbell
What do you wish your poker nickname was? Slick Willy
What do people actually call you? Spaz
Do you expect to finish in the money? That’s why I’m here.
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Dance like a butterfly, sting like a me!
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Smiley… ’cause he thinks he’s cool.
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: You! Whoever you are.
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? Pair of deuces.
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? I get better the more I play… that or you get worse.
Your quote for the night: Shut up, Smiley.
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? Loud, obnoxious, handy. Better looker than you.
Number 11Proper Name: Miller
What do you wish your poker nickname was? Miller
What do people actually call you? Miller
Do you expect to finish in the money? No
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Beat Burch.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Smiley
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Burch
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? Any. I’ll play anything.
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? No
Your quote for the night: Fuck Burch.
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? I smoke.
Number 10Proper Name: Sean Smith
What do you wish your poker nickname was? Cracker S.
What do people actually call you? Queenie
Do you expect to finish in the money? No
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Succeed.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Either Chris or Bob.
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Cracker. Fuck that guy.
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? Holding your mother. Gently.
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? Yes
Your quote for the night: “”
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? Yes. Bends to peer pressure. Nice abs.
Number 9Proper Name: Calum Johnston
What do you wish your poker nickname was? The Chief (as in a mirror universe version of Get Smart’s Chief).
What do people actually call you? Cal
Do you expect to finish in the money? Absolutely not.
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Complete and utter faith in an overall karmic balance.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Drake
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Myself – I’m relatively at peace.
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? A pair of face cards.
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? Highly unlikely
Your quote for the night: Sorry, Bob.
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? Honestly attempts to make considerable and prolific donations to the world’s emotional bank account.
Number 8Proper Name: Chris McLaren
What do you wish your poker nickname was? The Reverend, or possibly Upper Canada Red
What do people actually call you? Chris (except Drake, who calls me “Big Poppa”)
Do you expect to finish in the money? Yes
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Tight at the beginning, except head-to-head with Cal. Agressive after the buyins stop.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Smiley. I’m still not sure how many hands I’m giving away to him.
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Neil. He’ll bluff too much at the wrong time.
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? The Gay Waiter.
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? I think my tournament play is better.
Your quote for the night: “Don’t touch that!”
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? I support the arts. And Cal’s family.
Number 7Proper Name: Kathryn Ann Yeats
What do you wish your poker nickname was? Kathy Eights
What do people actually call you? To my face?
Do you expect to finish in the money? Always
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Slow and steady
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Bob
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Mike–transparent
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? KQ suited
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? Likely not.
Your quote for the night: “Ooops”
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? Aesthetic
Number 6Proper Name: Neil A. MacFarlane, Esquire
What do you wish your poker nickname was? Precious Poncey; Attila The Bluff; Dr. Chips, DDS; Lothar of the Hill People
What do people actually call you? Nelly or ATM
Do you expect to finish in the money? No
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Bet my good hands like a maniac and occasionally bluff like a fucker.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Drake, because he’s a fuck, and my loathing for him makes him hard to read.
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Spaz, because Miller thinks he sucks and I trust Miller.
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? 10-9 suited — no idea why.
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? No and No. Next question.
Your quote for the night: Ironically, that is what she said.
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? I can drink like the dickens and occasionally let fly with a well-timed witty rejoinder.
Number 5Proper Name: Sean F. Hamilton
What do you wish your poker nickname was? [unpronounceable symbol drawn here]
What do people actually call you? Speedbag
Do you expect to finish in the money? No
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Get stoned and hope for the best.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Drake. He has nowhere to go but up.
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Smiley. He’s a doctor! Why would he want to hurt me?
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? Matching suit.
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? No
Your quote for the night: Have you put your hands in my pockets?
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? I’ve never been to jail.
Number 4Proper Name: Robert Gibbs
What do you wish your poker nickname was? Guy who always wins.
What do people actually call you? Bob
Do you expect to finish in the money? Yes
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Tight.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Drake, he wins a lot.
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Smiles. I don’t think he bluffs much.
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? Blic Slick
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? ?
Your quote for the night: “”
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? None!
ShowProper Name: Adam Marsh
What do you wish your poker nickname was? God
What do people actually call you? Smiley
Do you expect to finish in the money? Of course… as long as Bob doesn’t cheat.
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: passive agressive.. deal off the bottom of the deck.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Speedbag… he will get me too stoned
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Spaz
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? 9-10 Suited.
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? Perhaps
Your quote for the night: “Cheat to win”
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? My mom thinks I’m nice.
PlaceProper Name: Mike Drake
What do you wish your poker nickname was? Wang-dang-doodle
What do people actually call you? Drake
Do you expect to finish in the money? Not really, but I’d sure like to.
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Gradually gettinng drunker until the other players can’t figure out what I’m doing.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Chris
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Neil, ’cause it’s Neil.
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? Suited Big Slick. (Also German Virgins, just for the name.)
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? I think so.
Your quote for the night: Unsure at this point, but will likely be “that’s what she said” from Neil (with hilarious results).
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? “”
WinProper Name: Andrew Burch
What do you wish your poker nickname was? Andrew
What do people actually call you? Burch
Do you expect to finish in the money? No
Give a short description of your tournament strategy: Win a hand, then maybe another.
Which player are you most concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Myself
Which player are you least concerned about? Optionally discuss why: Sean
What’s your favourite starting hand in Hold ‘Em? Two cards.
If this is not your first HGPA tournament, are you a better player now than you were at your first HGPA tournament? Certainly not.
Your quote for the night: Sittin’ at the kiddie table.
Do you have any socially redeeming qualities? If so, what are they? I don’t know what this means.
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