So, I did manage to travel half-way around the world between Friday and Sunday, popping in on London and Honk Kong before settling down in Melbourne.
My days have been pretty work-focused so far: Monday I essentially worked all day, returned to the hotel ate dinner, and was asleep before 9. Yesterday (Tuesday) I worked all day, then went down to the pub with some of the boys, where we raised a few pints, had some good discussions, and eventually had some dinner, before I went back to the hotel. Sadly I fell asleep before 10.
I’m hoping to get a chance to post a few things here tonight–although the lure of stopping in at the Crown for the Aussie Millions is pretty high. (If I see Jennifer Tilly down there, I’m totally going get her to write a Happy Birthday note to my pal Neil, who has a birthday later this week. He’s a great fan of her… um… poker skills. Yeah, poker skills.)
Anyway, in the meantime I just want to present the story of my arrive in Melbourne this time. I haven’t had a chance to write it up for posting, but since I did tell it to my friend Matt in a chat, I’ll just adapt that. While this may come across as whinging, I assure you that it is meant comedically.
The hotel story:
Matt: so, what happened to your hotel? Did you get bumped from the swanky hotel next to the office?
Chris: Christ.
Chris: So, I get here Sunday night. I’ve been awake since Friday morning, and I last showered Friday morning. I just want to get to my hotel and shower and sleep.
Chris: It took forever to get out of the airport–you have to do immigration, then wait for luggage, then customs, THEN some of us–apparently I am threatening or something–had to do another security checkpoint where your luggage is x-rayed on the way out. That last bit makes for a long lineup, apparently. I suspect that they thought I might be trying to sneak food, or possibly a frog, into Australia.
Chris: Then I get a cab, and have the guy take me to what I think is my hotel. You know, the address on the itinerary that the local office emailed me. It’s about a half-hour ride from the airport.
Chris: He drops me off around 11:15.
Chris: PM
Matt: oh no….
Chris: So I’m standing outside the hotel, with my luggage–two weeks worth–and laptop bag, and I can almost smell the shower.
Chris: I walk up to the door, reach out and pull on it.
Chris: And it doesn’t move.
Chris: OK. No worries. It’s after 11. I probably need to hit a buzzer or something.
Chris: I look around.
Chris: No buzzer.
Matt: crap
Chris: I do, however, find a sign that says “Reception is available from 7AM to 11PM. For afterhours emergencies call XXX.”
Matt: What the hell?
Chris: So, I’m the middle of South Melbourne, after 11PM on a Sunday night, with all my gear. I have no cell, and even if I did it wouldn’t work here.
Chris: Obviously I need to find a pay phone.
Chris: And some Australian change. I got some money from the ATM at the airport, but I suspect that they payphone won’t take fifties.
Chris: So I start wandering the streets carrying all my shit, looking for a payphone and a convenience store.
Matt: (i’m not laughing… really)
Chris: I’ll shorten this part–eventually I found a place that was open on Sunday night, late, got some change and found a phone, and called for the afterhours on call person.
Chris: So she meets me at the hotel, and immediately starts yelling at me.
Matt: What? no “G’day mate!”
Chris: Because, apparently, they told the travel agent to remind me that there was no reception after 11, and it’s all my fault. I don’t bother explaining that I didn’t book the hotel, never spoke to the travel agent, and it was probably impossible that I could have been there before 11 given my flight anyway.
Chris: Whatever.
Chris: So she charges me $30 for coming down there after hours. I don’t care–work is paying that little bill.
Chris: Then she charges me a $300 safety deposit on the room, which I will get back when I check out. Weird, but whatever–I just want a shower and a bed.
Chris: So all this is done, and she hands me a key.
Chris: I’m about to ask how to get to the elevator when she then hands me a map.
Matt: I’ve never heard of a safety deposit on a hotel room…
Chris: A map to where my hotel actually is.
Matt: what?!
Chris: Yeah, the building I’m actually staying in is several blocks away.
Chris: It doesn’t have a reception desk at all, so they do reception for it (between 7AM and 11PM, of course) at this building.
Matt: oh jesus
Chris: So getting close to midnight, I once again find myself wandering the streets of South Melbourne, still carrying all my shit, trying to find my actual hotel. Nothing like walking around with suitcases and a map in the middle of the night to make you feel like a target. The good news is that the lads tell me this is a very safe area, and I could have been doing that while $50 bills were falling out of my pocket in a trail behind me, and I still would have been fine. (Of course they also told me a lot of stories about guys with homemade prison tattoos in the bars on this block, so the Australian idea of safe may vary.)
Chris: Eventually I find the hotel. It has no huge sign or anything–just looks like an apartment building.
Matt: Well, at least you travel light… not like you’re carrying books or something
Chris: There’s a giant staircase you have to walk up from the street to get into the lobby. I struggle heroically up there–exhausted from the travel, and from carrying all my luggage around for an hour. Plus, you know, from being a lazy bastard.
Chris: I get the door open (a two hands operation, since you have to both turn the key and turn the separate knob–very convenient when carrying luggage), and as I struggle in, all I am thinking is: finally, a shower and a sleep!
Chris: I look around the lobby for some sign of where my room is.
Chris: There’s a nice map on the wall that shows which rooms are on which floor.
Chris: My room is on the 5th floor, the top one. Nice, I’ll have a view. Might even be able to see into the botanical gardens on the other side of St. Kilda.
Chris: I look around for the elevator, to take me to my room, so I can shower and sleep.
Chris: Guess what?
Matt: sigh
Chris: Yes, that’s right. Fifth floor walk-up.
Matt: Please tell me that there was actually a room at the top of those stairs… with a bed and shower
Chris: Yes–there’s a ridiculously large apartment there. I will use less than half the space in the apartment while I am here.
Matt: And you went right to the office Monday morning?
Chris: Yes. The office is literally across the street from this building.
